Get Normal ! Here's How ! (P.S. You Can Leave out the EPL Stuff) *C.A.

Tips For Young People To Become Normal Again

(blundering language ahead, you have been warned)

Young people don’t know how good they have it. They live in an increasingly inter-connected, exciting world where Sreesanth is a role model, an iPad is considered useful and Pepsi decides to name an entire country after them. Nonetheless, most young people nowadays are illiterate, pretentious, horny and largely clueless. In short, like Tusshar Kapoor. Thus, here is a list of steps they can take to be considered normal or at least come close to Normalcy

Also, If You Just might be doing at least 2 of the below given things; Then Fuck you for doing it. You are a Douche!

Now, Lets Get Started !

Stop using “Ma”: I don’t know if you’re fans of Shashi Kapoor movies, but the next time you use “MA” in your sentence, I will shove your teeth so far up your own fucking ass that even a Japanese whaler’s harpoon won’t go deep enough to be able to fish it out. Yes, after the started having smaller Dicks, they started making Larger Harpoons. Seriously, is this some faux attempt at proving your love for your mother or did your priest make you miss grammar classes during kindergarten? The word is “my”. Repeat after me. Say 'My' : Pronounced : Maie!

“My name is Khan, and I’m a lameass actor”

NOT

“Ma name izz Khan, I’m a rockstarrrrr”

And while we’re on the subject, when did “Killer Shit” and “That’s gangster” become part of the lingo to express approval? What the fuck is killer shit anyway? Do you suffer from advanced colitis? Anal cancer? And gangster? You’re telling me this happened because of Shiney Ahuja’s film of the same name? What time between the release of his movie and raping his maid did he bless us all with this ridiculous verbal concoction? Even Inzamam Ul Haq would cringe at such Anand Jon-ification of the language.

Stop LOLing: If you take a walk down some parks early in the morning, you might come across groups of senior citizens holding their stomachs and making loud gratuitous noises. I want you to observe this act very closely. It’s called LAUGHING. NOT LOLing. LAUGHING. Why the fuck cant you laugh at a joke? Why do you have to say “LOL” in a conversation? It’s not a chat room where you’re trying to impress a spambot so that it turns the webcam on for you to jack off. I’m standing IN FRONT OF YOU! Don’t you dare bloody LOL me you son of a bitch! If you want to smile, smile! Don’t say tee hee. If you want to laugh, laugh! Because if you don’t I’m going to rip your tongue out, wipe it down Navjot Sidhu’s asscrack and smack you across the face with it like Xena warrior princess. And stop LOLing at your own jokes. If you have to end your own sentence with a LOL, your shit ain’t funny to begin with. LOL this you stupid SOB.

Stop reading Paulo Coelho: When the hell did Paulo Coelho become the must read author to prove your intellectual chops? Is it the graphic love scenes in Eleven Minutes that turn your nuts to momos? Do you think reading “The Alchemist” is a short cut to become a pharmacist? Don’t stick your stupid Facebook and twitter profiles with Paulo Coelho as your favourite author. It just tells me you don’t really read and just bought one at a train station because everyone seemed to have one and you felt more generous than buying a copy of “Who moved my cheese?”

Stop showing me your boxers: Seriously brother, pull those freaking pants up. I DON’T want to see your boxers. And I certainly don’t want to see your Grand Canyon cuz I’m sure as hell not Kobe Bryant looking for some practice free throws. I don’t care if you’re wearing Rupa or Jockey’s. I don’t care if it messes with the chain that you’re hanging across the left side of your parachute pants. I also don’t give a flying Jatayu’s patootie whether it messes with your frumpled hair, your goatee, your black t-shirt and finger sleeves. What the fuck are finger sleeves anyway? Were you trying to measure the perfect condom size or are you a professional kite flyer? Pull those goddamn jeans up and stop showing me your hairy lower back before I call the tow truck and get your ass impounded for indecent exposure.

Stop watching Shah Rukh Khan Movies: No. He is not the greatest actor of our generation and will never be. But then again, your probably believe he drives around Mumbai in a Hyundai i10 as well. Stop crying about him feeling bad that Kolkata lost. Stop telling me My Name is Khan was the greatest bloody movie you ever saw. It only goes to show you have the same IQ as girls who scream in the movie hall every time Bobby Deol makes an appearance.

Stop believing what Arundhati Roy says: Seriously, that bitch will get you shot. If following socialist hotties is your thing, go with Brinda Karat. The worst that might happen then is you will have no friends left. Who is Brinda Karat anyways ?

Stop giving a fuck about the EPL: I’ve said this before and ill say it again. NO ONE gives a fuck about whether you support Man U or Barca. They’re not YOUR team and their success doesn’t mean that YOU won. No matter how many jersey’s you buy from a trip to Thailand or Colaba Causeway or Funkies, no matter how many soccer shoes you buy and wear at inappropriate places, NO ONE gives a fuck. Find some other goddamn purpose in life than tweet about players whose names you can’t pronounce and who you’ve only been exposed to in FIFA 2009. And don’t you dare rattle off Fabregas’s statistics if you can’t supplement those with Sunil Chhetri’s either.
P.S. Fabregas does Rule ! (I am an Arsenal Fan)

Stop pretending to be into hip-hop music: Just because your car has a bass tube and you listen to 50 Cent and Afro Man does not mean you love “Rap music”. Go and learn atleast 7 rhymes of Biggie Smalls or Tupac before I bust a cap in yo ass. Stick to rock, its easier to pull off being a fan of Nirvana.

Stop wearing Che Guevera T-Shirts: If the only thing you know is “he was the dude from Motorcycle Diaries”.

Stop wearing tight t-shirts after a week of gymming: Just because you go to the gym and your bicep increased by half an inch doesn’t mean you start wearing body-hugging nipple busting t-shirts and walking like a scarecrow. And take those fucking sunglasses off. Its 8 in the bloody evening and no one will judge you for walking around with a hooker as arm candy anyway!

Stop putting obscure quotes and pictures as your status messages: Seriously, you’re trying to tell me your low attention span excuse for a hamster’s brain was up reading Dante and Nietzsche? Stop faking and pretending to be an intellectual. We all know you just Google quotes on love, success, friendship to try and make sense of your life and give yourself some comfort when the milkshake hits the desert cooler. And for fucks sake, stop quoting people like the CEO of General Motors and other crazy right-wingers. I know language isn’t your thing, but you might want to check the dictionary for “context”. Also, don’t forget to check “Dumbfuck”. You might find your picture next to Shivraj Patil’s.

PEACE ! 

LOST SEASON FINALE

My gut reaction at the end of the 2 1/2 hour series finale was; WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? But then I started thinking (obsessing) about it as I went to the Gym, and then I Decided :

1. The initial island stuff really happened. The plane crash happened, the survivors happened, all of that was real. Boone's death was real, and Shannon's. The magical healing powers of the island for Locke and Rose happened. The polar bear stuff and the weird stuff; it all happened.

2. The flashbacks were all real. Jack with the broken marriage; Kate on the run; Sayid the torturer; Hurley and the bad luck. 

3. The flash forwards were all real. All the post-island stuff really happened. Jack the alcoholic who needs to go back, Kate the mom, Sun the revenge-seeking single mother. 

4. The Dharma stuff happened. There were a group of scientists on the island who were trying to tap into "the source," the same source that Jacob spent centuries protecting. For the scientists, it was a source of energy. For Jacob (and those who came before him and after him), it was the source of good on earth. 

5. The post-nuclear-bomb island stuff happened. Desmond did pop the cork, and Jack did put the cork back in, and Locke and Jack did have their final showdown between good and evil and the island did start to fall apart, and Sawyer and Kate and Miles and Richard and Lapidus all did take off. And then, Jack did die on the island (although it was the longest-lasting mortal wound ever), in exactly the same spot where he first woke up on the island, with Vincent by his side. He finally "let go." Jack, ever the searcher for his inner peace, found it at last. 

6. The key to the flash sideways is when Christian told Jack at the end "there is no now." I do think that everyone who was gathered in that church is dead, but I don't think they all died at the same time, in the crash. I think they lived their lives however they were meant to, and they died when they were supposed to. I think the flash forward was the "gathering spot" they had all subconsciously agreed to when they were together on the island. It explains why things turned out well for everyone in the forward — Sun and Jin happy ever after with their baby; Jack with the son he always wanted; Hurley successful; Locke putting his father in a vegetative state; Sayid able to "save" Nadia. The reason why Ben stays outside the church is because he's not dead yet (to steal from Monty Python). But he got his redemption, and his forgiveness from Locke, and who, five years ago, would ever have imagined Benjamin Linus becoming the character he became?

So, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it (I think; I haven't read anything else on the Internet yet). As far as the episode itself goes, I thought it was epic. The epiphanies that we witnessed were lovely and moving (Charlie and Claire win, hands down), the dramatic tension between Locke and Jack was set at just the right pitch, the way that Richard embraced his new-found mortality was terrific. 

Most of all, however, the emotion that ran among the cast, Jack and Kate's island farewell, Jack and Hurley's "deal," the look on Sawyer's face when he "found Juliet," Hurley and Ben in the aftermath, Hurley and Ben at the church ("you were a great number 2" — bawled my eyes out at that), it was all so ... true. So even if there was a ton of stuff that happened in the last six years that drove us crazy and then turned out to literally mean nothing, it doesn't matter. In the topsy-turvy world of Lost that we came to love and obsess over, in the end, it was all about the love.

India's Urban Future

McKinsey Global Institute (MGI) believes India is on the verge of the second-greatest urban migration the world has ever seen. In their new report India’s Urban Awakening, MGI says India’s urban population could balloon to 590 million—nearly twice the size of the United States—by 2030.

MGI says India will have “68 cities with populations of more than 1 million, 13 cities with more than 4 million people and 6 megacities with populations of 10 million or more.”

MGI says the Indian economy is expected to be five times greater by 2030, with urban centers being the key driver of this growth. It projects India’s labor force to increase by 270 million—70 percent of that coming from urban jobs.

This new labor force will also be relatively young compared to other BRIC countries. The median age for the Indian population is 25.3 years—lower than Brazil (28.6 years) and well below China (34.1 years) and Russia (38.4).

In order to meet the needs of this urban class, MGI estimates India will need:

• $1.2 trillion in capital investment
• 2.5 billion square meters of roads to be paved
• 700-900 million square meters of commercial and residential space
• 7,400 kilometers of subways and transportation to be constructed

To put these figures into perspective, the investment amount needed is about one-third of India’s total GDP in 2009. And if 700-900 million square meters of real estate sounds like a lot, that’s because it is. India would need to build a city the size of Chicago every year for the next 20 years in order to create enough commercial/residential space.

While these numbers are staggering, perhaps the most important figure for commodity demand is MGI’s projections on the growth of India’s middle class. MGI estimates that India will have 91 million middle class households by 2030, that’s more than a 300 percent increase from the 22 million they have today.

As we’ve said many times before, the growth of the middle class in the developing world, especially in Asia, is a key driver of demand for oil, steel, copper, cement and countless other resources because the wealthier these people are, the more they will consume.

This mass of people will likely demand better housing, better roads, better goods— in all, a higher quality of life than what’s been available to them in the past. The resulting pressure this could have on commodity demand is the X-factor that we believe makes this cycle different than anything we’ve experienced in the past.

by Frank Holmes, CEO, U.S. Global Investors

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

                          -William Ernest Henley